Archive for Emotional Mastery
Getting Over Getting it Right
Posted by: | CommentsOur school system trains us to get the right answer. “Being wrong” is a bad thing and leads to lower grades, disapproval, and feeling inadequate or like a failure. As children growing up in this society, our self-esteem and confidence is shaped to large extent by how well we do in school. For anyone who does not learn in the usual way, who has creative abilities that do not fit the mold, or has some kind of learning disability, this can be very damaging to that person’s self esteem—unless they are lucky enough to have understanding parents, a teacher or other mentoring adult to encourage them and acknowledge their unique gifts.
How does that translate to business, or especially self-employment?
The pressure to get it right, and only feeling valuable or successful when you do is a disaster. Why? The biggest reason is because there is never one right way to create a successful business, there is never one right answer, there are always multiple paths to success. The only requirement–and there are as many ways to do this as there are unique individuals–is to make sure your income exceeds your expenses, ie, make a profit, in order to continue to stay in business and support yourself and your family.
Trying to be right can lead to several major time and energy drains. One is perfectionism…where you can’t get started unless it’s perfect. The perfect website, logo, mission statement, etc. Or you get started but keep correcting, tweaking and revising because again, it’s not perfect. How do you even know if it’s “right” “good” or “perfect?”
A cousin to that is analysis paralysis—over analyzing your statistics, strategies, or competition and not taking action. Also in the family is the “Impostor Syndrome”—where you never feel like you know enough and somehow you are just ‘faking’ your expertise. That in turn leads to “BSO” syndrome—chasing the latest bright shiny object. The latest social media tool, the latest information product, course or coach. And you know what that leads to, right?–the dreaded Information Overwhelm.
Bottom line is you can really get bogged down, even stuck in place by trying to be right.
Yes, there are proven business models, of how to run a profitable business, that will work better in particular industries. Even within those models, there are many ways to ‘get it right’. That’s where our creative genius, our fresh perspectives along with sound advice from mentors and those who’ve already succeeded, and listening to our intuitive and body based knowing, all of this comes in handy.
To get the most useful answers, start with a useful question. That question is NOT ”what’s the right way?” but “what is the best service or product to focus on, what is the optimal business model, and way of operating that works for me and my clients? What makes sense and gives me a sense of “YES” or green light, GO, given my current resources of time, money and energy, my personal style and strengths, and the type of business and client I serve, at this point in time?”
I’m certainly NOT saying that you should not spend time learning from others, analyzing your market and looking at how you can best attract and serve your customers or clients. But some of the best learning you will do is by learning in action. Staying in your head or planning a business on paper won’t actually provide the feedback you need to grow and maintain a successful business.
Look at the different areas of your business and see if you are stuck anywhere on ‘getting it right”..and what do you need to get unstuck? Is it really more research, information or coaching? Or is it just letting go, letting things be good enough, and sending the arrow off into space?
I invite you to let go of the rigid chains of being right and having to be perfect, and enjoy the playground of creative ambiguity and trusting your gut!
Who’s really running the show?
Posted by: | CommentsIt must be you…right? After all, this is your business, and you’re owner, chief cook and bottle washer!
But are you operating your business from your mature adult self, or some child aspect? Are you using your higher level “command” functions–your cerebral hemispheres–or is your reptilian brain, your “fight or flight” instinct in charge?
Speaking with a client the other day who has a year old business, her money fears were coming up big-time, including a fear that she would repeat a past business failure, run out of money, and end up as a homeless person. As we talked, it was clear that the financial fears were bordering on panic…and she agreed with me that being in a place of panic and overwhelm is not the energy that will easily attract customers and money.
In business–and in any part of our lives–any kind of fear or potentially threatening situation can “trigger” us into a reactive, reptilian brain response. Once we are triggered, we are in fear, and our nervous system, even our organs begin to shut down…and so we are not able to think clearly or be in a creative, problem solving mode. This is NOT an empowered place for good decision making and taking constructive action. We need our reptilian brain and survival instincts–they are not bad or wrong–but they are mostly for helping us escape from physical danger, or to help us avoid people that can be a threat to us. This part of our intelligence is NOT wired for executive decision making and considering various alternatives.
The sole function of our reptilian brain –the oldest and least-evolved part of our brain–is to ensure that we stay alive. The classic reptilian brain responses are ”fight” or aggresive response, the “flight” or avoidance response, the “immobilized” or passive response.
Why is it important to understand these responses and to realize that the stresses and fears in our daily lives and in our business can trigger them? Being triggered will completely block you from seeing what is going on, and dealing with it constructively. Being triggered means you are in reaction and cannot find creative solutions or take action.
With practice, you can learn the signs of being triggered and know your own typical “style” of reactiveness, so that when you find yourself in your trigger pattern, you can address the reaction right away instead of losing hours, days, weeks or even months being stuck in it.
How can you tell if you are triggered? The “fight” response can lead to feeling anxious and restless, irritable, can’t sleep, feeling defensive and on edge, a kind of “road rage” feeling even if you are not driving. If you are having a strong reaction to a technology glitch or you get really uprset by let’s say, a client unsubscribing from yoru email list or canceling an appointment.
Signs of the “flight” response are usually some form of checking out..trouble focusing, feeling sleepy or foggy headed, wanting to run away to a tropical island, or you start thinking about jump starting your old corporate career. If you suddenly stop returning phone calls and just want to withdraw. Other ways you might be unconsciously trying to ”flee” : numbing out or sedating your nervous system with carbs, sweets, salty or fried foods, or get lost surfing the web for hours, supposedly in the name of research.
The third set of signals to watch out for are the immobilization response, where you essentialy get frozen, and feel unable to act, like the weaker dog “playing dead” to the more powerful one, so he won’t be attacked. This is where you refuse to look at your bills for weeks or months, you sit in front of the computer staring blankly at it, and you don’t execute any of your plans.
So, get to know your reptilian brain responses, and the kind of things that tend to trigger you, so that you manage your business and your life from a more empowered, emotionally balanced place, where you listen to, but aren’t ruled by your survival instincts. If the reptilian brain issues often put you into anxiety and overwhelm, if you have a lot of earlier trauma in your life, then you may also consider doing some coaching and repatterning work with me to clear these tendencies at a deep level.
Won’t it feel great to have your most evolved intelligence and creative problem solver in charge of your business?
