Archive for Self-Confidence

Jul
27

Why is my income not growing?

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That reason is NOT what you think–it’s not “the economy” or your level of education. The real reason why money is the way it is in your life is your money blueprint. Your money blueprint is made up of the automatic or conditioned responses that come up when you are thinking about money, or dealing with it. It also includes thoughts, beliefs and emotions around money, wealth, success, self-worth and receiving good things.

Most of this programming is fear based and negative. It comes from our primary drive to survive, to stay alive. This programming keeps us focused on avoiding danger. It doesn’t support us in many of the skills we need to build a business or grow our money, because it stops us from taking any risks AND often leads to money avoidance—not looking at anything that could be scary or unfamiliar, including looking honestly at our finances. The fear programming can also create a stress response-and we go into fight, flight or freeze when anything seems to go wrong.

The solution is to bring the programming into awareness—shining the light on it. Then we clear these old limiting programs and create new programming that makes you feel powerful and helps you stay in positive action. Sounds good right? How do we get started?

1. Shine a light into the subconscious—your critical first step. As a Tapping into Wealth coach I have some very specific processes for doing this. Working on your own, start by looking at your money situation. Look at your income—write it down on a piece of paper. Is it enough? If not..

What beliefs or emotions would lead to this kind of financial situation?
Example: You have a really great business idea, but you keep attracting business partners or employees who don’t help, or who drain you. Some possible beliefs could be “I can’t trust anyone” or “I have to do it all myself” or “I am not supported”

2. This can be tricky to find since it’s buried in the subconscious. That’s where a coach really comes in handy!

3. If your pattern is one step forward and two steps back, or it feels like there is an invisible limit on your success and income, look for inner conflicts that need to be eliminated.

Sometimes our desires conflict with our subconscious, survival programming. Say you set a goal to double your income, but your subconscious belief is “If I make that much money my family or friends will have a problem. They’ll be jealous, threatened, critical, or want my money”. When you have a conflict like this, guess who wins? Your subconscious fears will, almost always.

However you do it, it’s critical to shine the light, and replace the old subconscious programming that created your current finances. Otherwise it’ll be really really hard to change your money situation, since it’s the subconscious that is running the show.

Please continue to read this ongoing blog series to learn more and start changing your money blueprint. The next post focuses on the first layer of the money blueprint—the verbal programming you received around money, wealth and success. Have fun exploring your blueprint!

Make sure to join me for Tapped into Wealth Tuesdays. (Next one is July 28 and then we resume on 8/11).
Read More→

Jul
12

Perfection’s Hidden Cost

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Hidden Costs of Perfectionism

What happens when you are trying to get things perfect? What happens when you put off an important decision because you need to be sure it’s the right one?

I’ve been blogging about the Hidden Gifts of perfectionism and today I want to talk about the hidden costs. This “hidden” but truly expensive problem bugs me so much (and has haunted me personally) which is why I’m offering the 30 Days to Retrain Your Brain for Success challenge, which begins on Thursday the 16th.

There are both time and dollar costs, besides the unnecessary stress of extra work, trying to attain perfection or get it “just right”. You also undermine your own self-confidence because you are focused on what needs improvement, NOT on what’s already good, so you are in fault-finding mode. You don’t get to feel good about what you’re doing.

Endless tweaking or second guessing yourself can easily turn into procrastination. You can measure the cost of procrastination not only in terms of time but also money. When you keep rewriting or redesigning your program, or holding off on a key decision trying to “get it right”–these are all a way of saying “WAIT” to the Universe.

Guess what else “waits” on you? Your income! These patterns seriously slow down your incoming cash flow.

The truth is that “perfect” is an unattainable goal. You can perfect things and tweak them indefinitely. You can stay in indecision or procrastinate on hitting the send button, for a long time, weeks, months, even years. The cost is your time, but also lost income and growth opportunities.

The solution is simple and I call it a no-brainer (pun intended)–the Retrain Your Brain for Success 30 Day Challenge.

Join me on Thursday 7/16 AT 7:30 pm Eastern. We’ll be creating a new empowering set of habits called Motivation by Celebration…with support from me and an amazing group of like minded people. Registration information below.

Not quite sure? Test-drive the program with this EFT Meridian tapping session for Releasing Perfectionism. I give instructions so you can tap along with me! Listen here: http://bit.ly/1Nw0nt3

Ready to Retrain? Let’s get it started in here!

Give your Inner Critic a summer vacation and give yourself the gift of happy productivity! Total value is $450 and at $97 it truly is a no-brainer. \.

Sign up for Success Retraining below:




Ellen Anne Shapiro

Now I’ve got your attention!

Being kissed could definitely provide some motivation, but what I’m talking about here is the acronym KISS. You know it, right? It’s Keep It Simple Sweetheart.

Apply this to your business and your life, to anything you want to be successful in. The brain functions best when given small manageable tasks, or achievable goals. Assigning yourself  a 7 day to-do list, or big projects that are NOT chunked down into bite sizes, the brain gets overwhelmed and may go into overload
and shut down. You may start to feel anxious, overwhelmed or even want to avoid your work because it the brain says “It’s too much! I can’t do this.”

Turn that around and give yourself simpler, achievable goals, breaking larger tasks or projects into pieces. So you create daily, even hourly “wins” for yourself–completions all along the way.  

Remember:
ACHIEVING MANY SIMPLE GOALS TRAINS YOUR BRAIN FOR SUCCESS.

So, KISS your overwhelm goodbye and retrain yourself to get a lot more done: join us for the next Retrain Your Brain 30 day Challenge that starts July 16th.

SIGNUP BELOW AND RECEIVE MY AUDIO:
“Turn Your To-Do! List into a Ta-Da! List”
(Ta-Da! Is like the magician pulling the rabbit out of the hat!) .
See You On The Other Side

We’ve just explored in part 1 of the Hidden Gifts of Perfection, how to sift out what is good from your perfectionism—the drive for excellence—from the unwanted self-punishing aspects.  Let’s look now at a different aspect of the perfectionist vow.

When you look back at some achievement from the past,  do you say, “Yes, it went well, but truthfully, I could have done better.”  It’s true that there is always room for improvement—and  we can always strive to do better.    It’s also true that if our standard is perfection—that’s like a moving target.  How will we know if it’s perfect?

Since we are striving for an unattainable goal, we will always feel like “I’m not good enough.  I don’t deserve success—yet.”   It sounds like yet another aspect of how perfectionism can keep you running in place and getting nowhere.   When you see someone who is constantly busy, working hard yet  not making progress or getting the rewards, he or she is probably running a vow of perfectionism.

The perfectionism can also be a “front” for the fear of failure.  If you secretly fear that you aren’t good enough then you won’t risk putting your energy behind your offers, your marketing, etc.   Someone may even look capable and confident from the outside but because of their hidden fear of exposure, they don’t go all out, or they don’t try for the bigger clients and recognition.

This is closely related to a recognized syndrome called the Impostor Syndrome in psychology—where successful accomplished professionals and  experts, such as doctors and attorneys,  have been shown to have a huge fear of being revealed as not knowing their stuff, or inadequate in a major way.

What  are the gifts here?  Once we shine a light on the perfectionism, and all the ways that this lifelong vow has led us to be excellent, we can actually acknowledge how skilled and excellent we are, right now!  We acknowledge that there will always be room for improvement,  yet we can feel good enough right now, and deserving.   Once we see that we are giving our energy to an unattainable goal, we can adjust our standards so that we can strive to be  both “Awesome and human too” instead of perfect.

If this speaks to you, I’ve got some specific processes from Tapping into Wealth that  can help with this. Clearing this vow can make a HUGE difference in your success.  Come experience a private session (contact me for a Clarity Strategy Action session) or join us for the next Retrain Your Brain 30 day Challenge.

We set ourselves free, finally, when we realize that there is no one out there who can give us that ultimate stamp of approval.  (This almost always comes from having critical and hard to please parents…who, if still alive,  will not likely give us approval even now—and if they did, it still wouldn’t resolve the child part of us that feels  “I’ll never be good enough” ) Now, as adults, we can see that this is not going to happen.  In fact, craving the approval of others, or needing praise and recognition, can keep you running on a different kind of hamster wheel.

This is not to overlook our very natural and human desire to be recognized, to be noticed and appreciated. Social psychology has shown that appreciation and gratitude is the best path to strong relationships, both at work and in the rest of life.

But what happens when you’re in your own business-where there are so many tasks to be done in a day, and where most of those tasks are invisible to others?  Waiting for others to notice and approve is going to be a long wait!

Because you really are good enough.  You deserve reward and recognition, right now—even if you still want to improve.  You ARE awesome..just the way you are!

Since you are human, and all us humans do  need that approval, how about practicing the very habit we cultivate in the 30 Day Retrain Your Brain Challenge? The habit of celebrating and acknowledging yourself.   Go ahead, do it now.  And notice how it feels to do this.  Does it feels awkward or unnatural, hard to do or to remember to do, is it unfamiliar or uncomfortable?  Now that you see how important this is to staying motivated and happy, and allowing yourself to really go for it–if you’d like to get better at this, join us for the next Retrain Your Brain 30 day Challenge that starts July 16th.

And learn to finally give yourself that stamp of approval!

SIGNUP BELOW AND RECEIVE MY AUDIO:
“Turn Your To-Do! List into a Ta-Da! List”
(Ta-Da! Is like the magician pulling the rabbit out of the hat!) .
See You On The Other Side

Hidden Gifts of Perfectionism Part 1

Perfectionism gets a bad rap these days. Let’s take a closer look and discover what is good about it—that’s the part we want to keep even as we let go of painful, self-limiting perfectionism that gets in our way.

Keeping in mind that people do what works for them. Your friend’s perfectionism is working for them emotionally, even though it might look self-destructive to you. It’s not necessarily logical, but Inside your friend’s brain, it makes sense.

That’s true for perfectionism too.

The first hidden gift is that perfectionism comes from a desire for excellence. Striving to be perfect, or to perfect yourself, can motivate you to put in more effort, to continue to improve your skills or performance.

If you have these kinds of standards, you may identify as a perfectionist, but think to yourself “This makes sense for me to keep these high standards and strive for perfection. This works for me because it makes me study, work, or practice harder” This is so strong we can even call it a vow of perfection. Why would you want to give that up?

Striving for excellence, continuing to develop your skills and talents, is wonderful. Don’t give that up! Our world would be so much poorer without excellent teachers, musicians, athletes, business people, writers, scientists.

The problem is when the vow is absolute and rigid–t’s either excellence or total failure. What happens when we make mistakes, or injure ourselves, or something out of our control stops us? What if we fall short of our high standard? We can be absolutely ruthless with ourselves, and refuse to forgive. We can hold these seeming failures against ourselves for years and years. Ironically that can keep you locked into the failure since you are focusing on avoiding it. Pass-fail is a very tough way to grade yourself.

Edison took 1000 tries to come up with a light bulb that worked and could be produced commercially. What if he judged himself as a failure and gave up after a few tries?

I invite you to try something new. Could you forgive yourself , and learn from your imperfections and so-called failures. If you have a financial or business failure, a disappointment or betrayal, that you just can’t get over, that you suspect might be stopping you, I’ve got some specific processes from Tapping into Wealth to free you to try again—and succeed. And love yourself regardless of the outcome.

Come experience a private session or join us for the next Retrain Your Brain 30 day Challenge.

So keep the gift of excellence going and feeling lighter…

SIGNUP BELOW AND RECEIVE MY AUDIO:
“Turn Your To-Do! List into a Ta-Da! List”
(Ta-Da! Is like the magician pulling the rabbit out of the hat!) .
See You On The Other Side!

 

 

What’s the secret recipe? It can be found in a magical success zone, called your x-spot. You know, X marks the spot! If you’re wondering what on earth the x-spot is, it’s a term from positive psychology.

Finding your X-spot can keep you motivated and help you reach goals faster, and according to Shawn Achor, happiness researcher, this is a success accelerant. It’s been proven that we actually get a burst of energy when we are near the end of a project, to finish it. This is only true though when we can see that we are close to the finish line.

This is a well-known phenomenon in marathon races….the runners speed up when they reach that point where they can see the finish line. Wouldn’t you think they’d be more tired at the end of such a long race?

Logically yes, but when they are in the x-spot they get a rush of adrenaline to get the goal accomplished. It’ s about perception—seeing that we are almost there, and realizing it is not only possible but almost surely going to happen.

Instead of focusing on how close they are to a goal, and getting in the x-spot, we do the opposite! We tend to focus on how much more work there is to do, or how much further we have to go–making the goal appear more distant. This is how we lose out on the benefit of the x-spot, and actually slow ourselves down and demoralize ourselves.

How can we use this principle to our advantage?

We need to retrain our brain to make goals seem closer. The easiest way to do that is to chunk down their task into smaller pieces. It’ s so practical–it makes your project less overwhelming and more manageable, and easier to fit into your schedule. It also creates regular opportunities to reach the x-spot, for each of the smaller goals, and so you get a boost of energy from feeling you are getting somewhere and making progress towards completion.

Like any habit, this retraining needs to be practiced regularly over time to make lasting change. Habit change is hard on your own and easier with support, which is why I offer 21 day group challenges like Motivation by Celebration: Retrain your Brain for more motivation and productivity.

Come join me at the x-spot café? (We’ll order decaf, since we surely won’t need caffeine with all of our X-spot adrenaline coursing through our bodies!)

Words that work…at work!

Women tend to use words that weaken or devalue themselves, and handicap themselves by their language. I want to share this excerpt from a great article by Stacey Gordon. (credits and link at the end)

As you read, notice: which of these words or expressions do you use and which are you willing to cut out of your vocabulary?

“Recently, I interviewed a woman for a human resources job who was extremely qualified with excellent skills. While discussing where she would like to take her career, she mentioned that a friend asked her if she would consider a job with his company as Vice President and she said she didn’t think she was ready for the job. As she continued talking about her career direction, I stopped listening. I was stuck on the magnitude of what she had just done.

Too often, the words women use devalue their worth and can immediately categorize them as inferior, weak, unqualified and unworthy of the job being offered. (Click here to tweet this thought.) Ask a guy if he can do a specific job, and he will eagerly say yes. Ask a woman, and she’ll give any number of qualifying answers.

So let’s figure out how we can remove those qualifiers from our communication and substitute them with words and phrases that will help us to get ahead in our careers. Make room for the following in your vocabulary:

1. “YES!”

The first and most important word women can use to get ahead in their careers is “yes.” The woman in the example above should have said, “Yes, I would love to discuss how I could partner with you in human resources in your company.”

“Yes, I will apply for the job for which I am 95% qualified.” “Yes, I believe I can do the job.” “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Unless a huge case of nepotism is in play, most people do not offer opportunities to unqualified people. Therefore, when singled out for a project, to be team leader, for a promotion or a raise, anything other than an emphatic yes is unacceptable.

Obviously, if you really don’t want what’s being offered, decline politely, but don’t let the reason you say no be related to a lack of confidence in your abilities.

By not saying yes, you are automatically saying, “I’m unqualified, I’m unsure of myself, I’m not confident in my abilities, and I’m not the person for this job now (or probably ever).”

2. No Apologies
How many times do you say “I’m sorry” throughout the day?

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get back to you sooner.” “I’m sorry, but we don’t have the information you need.” “I’m sorry, but we had to change the meeting time.” “I’m sorry; X wasn’t available so we had to substitute Y.”

I’m going to need you to stop apologizing. Things happen, work goes on and most of what you find yourself apologizing for isn’t even your fault. Stop being apologetic, because apologizing is a sign of weakness. Save the “I’m sorry” for your family members who will actually appreciate it.

The above sentences don’t change when you remove those three little words. What you’re really trying to do by apologizing is to show a little empathy, so do that by providing a reason rather than an apology.

3. “Let Me Research It”
Too often, we say “I don’t know” or “I can’t” as a quick way to extricate ourselves from a situation. However, these phrases close the door to future opportunity. They paint you as a person who not only is unable to do the task that was asked, but who’s unwilling to attempt to help.

If you really don’t know, offer to find out. Upon further research, you may find someone else who’s better suited for the task, or you may find there’s a really easy solution. If you can’t help because of a scheduling conflict, being out of the office or some other reason, again, offer a solution: “I’m unavailable to attend that meeting, but Sally is up to speed on this issue and can assist in my absence.”

4. There Is No Try
In the famous words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

There’s a reason we tell our children not to use the word “try” — it undermines what you’re saying and leaves room for the possibility you won’t accomplish the task at all. It’s an easy out.

Stop saying things like “I’ll take a stab at it” or “I’ll give it a go,” which raise doubt in the mind of the person asking. Instead, be confident and say, “I will have the project completed by X date.” Then DO IT!

5. “I Recommend…”
Women are already stereotyped as being the softer sex. So starting a sentence with “I feel,” “I believe” or “I think” is really not the best way to go. It qualifies what you’re saying and devalues the worth of anything that comes afterwards. “I feel” is an emotion, not a fact.

Rather than say “I think we should take this course of action” , which is weaker, back it up with something. “Based upon the market research, we should take this course of action.”

If you find your suggestions are being ignored, you’re not being considered for special projects, or you’re sabotaging yourself by not stepping up, think about the way you speak, the words you use and how you’re perceived in business.

A few small changes can begin to make a big difference in your career.

Do you believe women devalue themselves at work? Share your thoughts below!

Stacey Gordon-5 Words and Phrases Women Should Use to Get Ahead in Their Careers.
http://www.careerattraction.com/5-words-and-phrases-women-should-use-to-get-ahead-in-their-careers/ Connect with Stacey on LinkedIn and Twitter.

GROWING YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE – 7 KEYS FOR  WOMEN IN BUSINESS

What is confidence?
One dictionary definition is: “a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something”.

Self-confidence seems like one of those things you either were born with or not.   That is mostly NOT true–great  news for all of us, and especially for women in any kind of business. Think of how confident you were when you took your very first step as a toddler: not very.   Yet, you stopped wobbling a long time ago. Now, do you assume you can walk or do you doubt each step?   No, you learned to be confident in your ability to walk.   You LEARNED by doing, by trying, wobbling, falling down and getting up again.

Lack of confidence makes us wobble in business and feel unsure of ourselves.   It also leads to the two P’s: Procrastination and Perfectionism.
“No, I can’t get that program out yet…I don’t have enough to offer.   I need more training, or better copy, or a prettier website.”   What’s your version of this? More importantly, when will you be ready, your offer good enough, your business polished enough?

Perfectionism rears its ugly head by insisting we need to get it right and ‘do the job’ ten times better than anyone else, just to feel adequate.     When your self-esteem depends on getting things right or being perfect, you will overwork—and probably undercharge as well.

Procrastination chimes in when it comes to taking a risk, like  putting your new program, product or marketing out there.   Lack of confidence makes you hesitate to take risks because “what if I’m wrong?”.   If, like most women, you were trained to be good, not make waves, and get the right answer in school–your self-esteem depends on getting things right, NOT on the number of chances you take!

The most successful entrepreneurs have confidence—not necessarily in their particular abilities, though of course that’s helpful—but in their ability to take risks and recover from challenges and set backs.   They are resilient and adaptable.   This is actually quite different from the kind of cocky self-esteem or bravado that we might associate with self-confidence.   I’ll tell you more about that later as it’s one of the 7 Keys to Self-Confidence in this current series of
blog posts.

Contrast that kind of hesitancy with how men are taught and raised….I still remember one of my coaches, Michael Port, saying “Ready,fire, aim!”.   I almost laughed because that was SO far from the way I and many women, operate.     Even the language was strange to me–shooting my clients is the last thing I ever want to do.   I realized Michael didn’t’ mean that literally, he was simply using the common language of business which was developed by men and is still the dominant mindset in the business world.   That aggressive, hunt-em-down language is a huge turn-off for me, and the women and men I serve, and in that moment I promised myself I’d  find and use new heart-based metaphors and language for business.

The main point he was making, which most women need to take to heart more, was “don’t wait to be perfect, get it out there, and then tweak it later. Get into action..!”

Where is your lack of confidence, perfectionism or procrastination holding YOU back from  promoting your business or taking inspired action?